I am 33 years old and I met Jay 7 years ago and I have to say we are Aliens compare to most couples of our age who already have 2 or 3 kids.
So when I got the news, it was a SHOCK, I was happy and scared of course but I thought to myself YES!!
They will FINALLY stop :
To make me feel guilty
“When will you stop to be selfish and take care of someone else than yourself?”
Or put the pressure on me
“When are you gonna start trying?? It’s tiiiiiiime!!
Or maternise me
“You are never READY you know!”
Or throw a cliche at me that just bore me to death
“Being parents is the best feeling in the world!”
Or to make me feel absolutely USELESS
“You know after having my children, I told myself: my life was so empty before!! ”
Me thinking: Oh my life is empty, thanks! Always good to hear.
Alright maybe it was time to try as we always had a good excuse:
“We are going to Zanzibar in 2 months! It’s not the right time !”
“I just got fired, it would be crazy to start now!”
“How we gonna do financially?? It means we will never go to the Maldives?! No way!!”
“We don’t really have the space! Too many plants at home”
“How we gonna do that?? We are already so busy just the two of us! There is always a bin to change or the laundry to do!”
“Impossible! We need to change the air-con this year!”
Always plenty of excuses for immature couple like us who still believe they are in their 20s, who love week-ends free like birds, go out or stay on the couch for hours, and of course walk around naked without time and obligation.
But all that is the past now I guess, let’s do it! For the most WONDERFUL experience of our life! As they say…
But for now it feels more like the LONGEST hangover of my life.
And that, no one told me before!
Yes a hangover. But not a usual one. A terrible one. That awful hangover you fear, the one that hits you after mixing all alcohol, doing shots and not sleeping for 3 days. Yep that’s it, that one in a constant mode: the Endless Pregnant Story.
And someone tells me:
“Make the most of your pregnancy,
RE-LAX! Those are MA-GIC moments! ”
I don’t know if a magic moment is to have my head outside the window of the car for 20 minutes driving on the highway because I cannot stand J.´s perfume, it makes me feel so nauseus, to feel squashed like a sausage by my car’s seatbelt or my largest legging, not to drink my morning coffee which was my ex-little daily happiness because the smell disgusts me so bad, to be out of breath leaving a WhatsApp message just like I was coming back from a marathon, wake up at night to eat a pot noodle or a raw carrot dipped in a yogurt and a kiwi?? To push J. at the cashier of Waitrose when feeling unexpectedly nauseous, to sit on the metal bar at Carrefour because I feel I’m about to faint and I am whiter than Snow White and no one can possibly tell I’m pregnant yet, or be about to kick J. because he forgot to order a gas bottle when I was just about to cook something because for ONCE I felt like eating something!
I make the most of it, SURE !
I just woke up from 12h sleep, we missed a wedding because I was in bed by 5pm and I’m just thinking I would stay in bed the whole weekend! And by the way, eating in bed has become my favourite hobbie. Probably another magic moment when you wake up with biscuits on your cheeks, blocked nose and lips drier than after a week skiing.
And not knowing what to eat because nothing seems nice apart from a fat Big Mac or a complete packet of Haribo. And when eating them you hear the perfect mummies telling you: I didn’t get any symptoms! No-thing! My pregnancy was PERFECT! I was eating only fresh and vegetarian when I was pregnant! And washing all with vinegar of course!
I don’t even tell you about the unexpected gas that comes from everywhere. I think J. will leave me before those 9 months. I can’t blame him, I would leave myself if I could!!
But it’s ok, I am telling myself I’m in the second trimester, the BEST, when apparently you feel like “WONDER WOMAN” , WOooooohOuuuuu and you could conquer the world ! The moment when you finally GLOW when you get all our energy back.
Hmmmm. For the moment I am far. Very far. On another galaxy. I am dreaming of a day without acid reflux and taste of garlic in my mouth.
Thank god! We had some magic moments, unfortunately they didn’t last long. But those moments are the ones we remember I guess, I wish to erase all the rest of my memory just like in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”
– When I realised my breast was the same as Pamela Anderson but natural! If only I could NOT have a growing belly, I could maybe start to enjoy my pregnancy a little !
– Every time we hear the heartbeat of our baby
-My hair are soft & shiny…when I have the strength to wash them
– When I understood that I had an excuse for everything: not going for diner, not going to work, not cooking, not doing the washing up, not brushing my hair…even that is a huge effort sometimes
-the intimate times are more intense and I have my theory. Pregnant ladies need to forget their condition for an instant and make sure their male stay loyal so they jump on their partner day & night like a piece of meat. Then go back to sleep.
That’s about it for now. I will leave you to it because I need to run like a wild horse to make the most of pregnancy and go parade my little bump which is more like a disgraceful excess of fat at the moment.
Ciao les filles ! Thinking of you pregnant ladies! If you want to talk, I AM HERE!
The ones who are NOT pregnant and in their 30s, I feel you, I know exactly what you are going through, just ignore them and do what you want! And for all the ones who were pregnant and who I didn’t even pay attention, I really thought you were having an ok time! I am deeply sorry, you are my HERO!
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